Why am I not filthy rich?

Why am I not filthy rich? I mean real­ly rich. I should be rich enough to buy sci­en­tists to send me to and from the red plan­et of Mars on a reg­u­lar basis. “Oh, I’m out of piz­za rolls, time to pay my team of sci­en­tists to tele­port me back to Earth.” By all accounts, I should be swim­ming in a vault of my wealth.

Here’s my logic.

My Bor­der­lands 2 char­ac­ters have 100 badass points for get­ting 3 mil­lion dol­lars. My Skyrim char­ac­ters each have a house in all the nine holds of the North­ern Province and can bribe their way out of any sit­u­a­tion. I can’t even remem­ber how much gold my undead war­lock squir­rels away deep in the banks of the Under­ci­ty. There are so many oth­ers. In all the videogames I play, I am stink­ing rich.

So why doesn’t the real life me have trillions?

I know that when I go over to someone’s house, I can’t just take their valu­able trin­kets off of the shelves and over to the near­est pawn shop. So that’s part of it, my damn moral com­pass. What about quest­ing? My dai­ly activ­i­ties could be viewed as quests. Right now, as I’m writ­ing this, I am also doing the laun­dry. It’s a minor task that results in clean cloths, but where is my reward? Where is my three sil­ver or new leather brac­ers? All right, so laun­dry is a menial task. Last year I helped a pro­fes­sor chop up a rot­ted buf­fa­lo car­cass to har­vest its bones (for soup, turned out nice). It was a big project that took sev­er­al hours and was very dif­fi­cult. Oh yeah, and it stunk. Some of the “meat” had the same con­sis­ten­cy as gua­camole. Or does gua­camole have the same con­sis­ten­cy as some of the meat. What­ev­er, no new knife, no new sword or no new shot­gun from Moxxi. Even my larg­er “quests” rarely turn up the loot I’d like to see. So along with the steal­ing, the quest­ing is out too.

I pitched this idea about why I don’t have cash in the real world ver­sus my videogame char­ac­ter to a per­son much smarter than myself. She said the rea­son my char­ac­ters have mon­ey is that there is no videogame for my char­ac­ters to play. Basi­cal­ly, my undead war­lock isn’t wast­ing time play­ing videogames; he’s work­ing at being a warlock.

Son of a bitch. I can’t steal, my quests only return my own per­son­al well being, and the char­ac­ters I play aren’t wast­ing time play­ing videogames. Dammit (or is it damnit?). Whatever.

 

moose

20 Jan­u­ary 2013 A.D.